Day 1 - June 4th, 2007
After a long anticipated month and a half, I was on my way to a state I thought I’d never step foot in again. My first experience in Alabama was a brief one – just a drive through from Niceville, Fl to New Orleans – but, it was enough to let me know that I was uncomfortable standing on the grounds of the Confederate Flag capital. I could have sworn, then, that I would never be back. This was a few years ago.
Two months prior to this anticipated trip, I was doing a “superficial’ search through the pictures of MySpace. I couldn’t give an exact answer as to why, considering that I had recently ended a five year relationship and was not ready to start another one, as I had no intention of doing so. But, there was one picture that stood out to me, so I clicked on it, to view his profile.
His name was Nick, and in his stats, it said he lived in Alabama. I glanced at his page, and found what he had to say extremely interesting, which led me to read his blogs. His words were similar, in some ways, to mine, and there was a vague relativity that mirrored my situation – especially in the way I was feeling about myself at the time.
I felt compelled to contact him and tell him this. He responded to my message, which led to a MySpace conversation, back and forth, as we began to open up towards one another. A week of this, and we moved our conversations to the phone, and so we fast forward past the hours of endless conversations, the engagement, and finally, the booking of a flight that proceeded the longest days of my life as they led up to my trip to Alabama.
I woke up on Monday, June 4th, an hour earlier than I had set my alarm for. I had two different types of feelings going on about this trip – my excitement of finally getting to meet Nick, combined with my anxiety for my fear of flying.
At 10, my friend, Gary, picked me up and drove me from Palmdale all the way down to LAX. We arrived much earlier than expected, so we decided to eat lunch, in which he treated.
I got to the airport and checked in. When I got to the security checkpoint, I was informed that my lighter could not go on the plane with me. This set in a slight aggravation, but at the same time, I could not argue with the security measures. I really couldn’t be angry at anyone except for those terrorists that flew into the World Trade Center, making the whole flying experience more un-fun than it was before.
I made my way to the gate – something I always do before I start my shopping, so that I know exactly where it is, without having to run to it to board my plane.
Walking through the terminal, I walked past a smoking area. Ironic. I had to chuckle to myself, and thought, “Well, I guess I can have a cigarette before I get on the plane.” I stepped in the area and asked an old lady for a light. She handed me her cigarette. A few minutes later, someone asked me for a light, and I did the same. I did notice, though that some people were lighting their cigarettes with matches. I thought it strange that matches were okay on planes but lighters weren’t.
I finished my cigarette and had a half hour before my plane would board. In the time remaining, I did some shopping, in which I purchased gum, flavored water, and “The Nanny Diaries”. I felt I needed some reading material, so as not to be bored, and the selections, despite that fact that it was a mini-book store with hundreds of books, led me to a desperate attempt in picking out anything that sounded remotely interesting – even if the movie of the book was going to be released in a few weeks.
I made my way back to the gate, sat down, and popped in my Hydrocodone, in hopes that it would relax me during the dreaded take off. It didn’t.
On the plane, I sat next to an Asian lady, and her obnoxious two year old. Something about planes and children three and under – they’re always obnoxious. Thank God I had my walkman to drown out the high pitched screams this child was emitting when she didn’t get her way.
The In-flight movie was “Wild Hogs”. I started watching it for a bit before losing interest in the stupidity of the film, and focused on my book.
A few hours later, I landed in Houston at Bush airport. I tell you, these Texans really love their Bush folk – with a monument and all, dedicated to the dumbest family in all of America. I did notice, also, that people in Houston aren’t so friendly. I felt like I was in an atmosphere of attitude.
So, after running to the gate to catch my connecting flight, I noticed that they were boarding early, so I handed the lady my ticket, and she scanned it.
“Montgomery is not at this gate. This plane is going to Lexington”, she said, without offering any more information. I was unaware of any gate change, so I asked her where to go, and she pointed across the way.
I waited at the right gate and found out there was a delay due to the fact that they did not have a full crew for their EMBRAER – which basically meant that they were missing their one flight attendant. She showed up an hour later. Of course, no one could be mad at her, considering she was a last minute fill-in for the flight attendant who just never showed up. Still, I was getting more anxious the closer I was getting to Alabama – but I called Nick and told him my flight would be getting in late.
Once we were on the plane, we ended up stuck in the 8:00 taxi traffic, which put us as the 13th or 14th flight to head out. I was huffing and puffing in my seat, watching all the other planes taking off, aggravated that we were not priority. For a flight that was supposed to leave at 7:40, we did not get into the air until 8:30.
Due to the inconvenience of the whole situation, we were offered complimentary alcoholic beverages. Now, I’m not much of a drinker, but how could I possibly say no to free beer?
After the first sip, I realized that this could possibly affect the 1,000 mg of Hydrocodone in my system. By the third sip, I realized that I would be kissing my fiancé’ for the first time with beer breath. So, as soon as I was done with the beer, I popped in two pieces of my cinnamon Orbitz gum. When we finally landed, I threw those pieces away, and put a fresh piece in my mouth.
As soon as I got into the airport, I called Nick who was outside smoking a cigarette in the parking lot with his friend, Monica. I knew Monica would be there, as Nick had informed me of this the night before, considering he wasn’t sure whether or not his car would make the trip to Montgomery. I knew that this would bring a bit of awkwardness to the situation, but I didn’t care. I was finally getting to see my baby.
I walked through the airport with the phone glued to my ear, as I searched for the exit. When I started walking towards the automatic doors, I heard him say “I see you.” Dammit! My insecurities were hoping that I could see him first.
“Wait”, he said, “I think it's you.”
The sliding doors opened, and there he was, across the street, walking towards me.
I had thought out this whole greeting in my head for weeks. Do I kiss him? Get on my knees and give him the ring I had bought for him? Well, with his friend being there, like I mentioned before, there was a bit of awkwardness. Blend that in with my nervous shyness, and you get a whole discombobulation of “What the fuck do I do?”
But it all happened so quick. I didn’t really even get a good look at him before giving him a big hug. I think – or I believe – I kissed him on the cheek. God, talk about having that one moment to remember, and it gets all fucked up by the Hydrocodone, beer, nervousness, anticipation, and all else that was involved with my insides. I did get a good look at his face, though, after that hug, and saw that he looked just like, if not better, than his pictures. But, it was a quick glance, as I felt all shy – afraid that I may disappoint him.
Again, in my nervousness, I pulled a move that could go down in the ways of retardation – (seriously, I didn’t know where my brain was at.) I guess, since Monica was walking behind me, I had felt that my suitcase on wheels was in her way, so I picked it up and started carrying it.
“I’m sorry, baby”, said Nick, “I should be carrying it for you.”
“It’s okay”, I said – and wanted to continue with “I’m just a dumbass carrying a suitcase I could be dragging because it does have wheels.” But, instead, I said “Oh, I brought something for you.”
And – still walking – still carrying the suitcase – like a dork – a retarded dork, mind you – I unzipped my case and was searching for the Cloves I bought for Nick as he had requested. I couldn’t actually pull them out – I guess the walking was getting in the way of my multi-tasking hand, so I said I would just get it at the car – which was, literally three steps away. But I didn’t walk those three steps. I stopped right there, and pulled out the Cloves, handing them to Nick.
Finally, at the car, he leaned against it, grabbed me, and kissed me. It was a nice moment – our first kiss – only to be ruined by my consideration, not wanting to make Monica, his Christian friend, feel uncomfortable – and I pulled away – subtly, of course.
We got in the car, and Monica suggested that Nick get in the backseat with me. So he did.
As we drove out of the parking lot, Nick and I were holding each other. It was so nice to be in the arms of someone I had only spoken to on the phone.
“Oh, Happy Anniversary, baby”, I said to him, because, after all, this day was our 2 month anniversary. He returned the sentiment and kissed me.
Monica had to stop to pay the parking lot attendant, and I noticed that the lady was staring hard at us – and not just staring – she was scowling – as if she had never seen two homosexuals before. Again, I was in a place where the homosexual factor was not a popular one – but, I just loved that he was still holding me.
Monica was thirsty, so, after pulling out of the parking lot, we went to the nearest convenient store, where Monica was given money to go inside and get drinks. We stayed in the backseat.
“Well”, I said, “Let me take care of this now.”
I went into my pocket and pulled out the diamond engagement ring I was giving him to go along with the proposal I did a month and a half ago. (Had I known that we would be venturing to Wal-Mart later on, I would have done it there, instead of some random convenient store parking lot.) I don’t know – I had never been creative when it came to these kind of things, like those special engagements you see in movies that steal your heart (or even the Disney proposal my friend had done with his now wife.). With Nick, I just asked him – kind of out of the blue – kind of.
Here’s the story: Nick and I had been talking for a few weeks, but, in this short time, I realized – almost from the beginning – that he was “the one”. My friend, Kim, called me up on a Monday to tell me how excited she was about getting her Domestic Partnership papers in the mail.
“I’m jealous,” I told her.
“Don’t worry”, she said, “It will happen to you, too.”
When I repeated this story to Nick, he responded with “And it will.”
This clicked an impulse within me – yet, at the same time, I had been wanting to ask him.
“Marry me”, I blurted out.
Silence. Shit.
I heard a choke, or thought I did, in this brief pause.
“Are you serious?” he asked.
“Yes. I am serious.”
“Of course I’ll marry you.”
Thus, he became my fiancé’.
So, the informalities of proposing over the phone led to the informalities of presenting the diamond ring in a convenient store parking lot. I had no intention of doing it that way, but I guess my creativity could only go so far. What’s important, however, is that he loved the ring.
In the backseat of Monica’s car, with the wind blowing heavily (it was a convertible, as I have forgotten to mention.); my fingers were busy exploring and taking in the physical features of the voice that had been in my ear for the last two months. I was finally comfortable, as he felt so good.
We drove through the town of Greenville and decided to stop at the local Wal-Mart. We walked in, and walked around, getting a basket to put the large Gain detergent Monica was purchasing. Any chance I had, I would put my hands on Nick. At one point, I put my hand in his and asked if he minded.
“No”, he said, "but we need to watch out for people because of where we are.”
I understood, and even though I did not want to let go of his hand, I did. But, every now and then, I would rub my hand on his back. I, myself, never cared what people thought, as I found unfairness that straight couples could do this, and no one said a thing. This was the man I loved, so why shouldn’t I be able to touch him wherever and whenever I wanted? At the same time, I’ve always respected the other person, as I would hate to make them feel uncomfortable.
After leaving Greenville, we made our way over to Evergreen, where Monica lived.
Before going to her place, she gave me the twenty minute tour – and literally drove around the whole town, showing me the different neighborhoods.
We pulled up to her place, and stood outside talking for a bit. Monica was a sweet girl, and someone I would have loved to have spent more time with – but on a different occasion. At that moment, all I wanted to do was spend some alone time with Nick.
As we drove away, Nick informed me that we would be staying at a hotel.
“Am I gonna get to see where you live?” I asked.
“Of course”, he said, and went on to explain that he would be working a double shift the next day, and it would be more convenient if we stayed in Andalusia, as opposed to Red Level, where he lived, which was about 30 miles out of the way.
So, we went to the Days Inn and checked in, where we stayed the night and finally got the chance to be intimate – exactly on our two month anniversary.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Feeling Good
Day 2 - Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Nick worked at the hotel just up the block from where we were staying. He had to be at work at 3, which really didn’t give us much time together, considering we went to bed around 6, and woke up at 1:30. Nick had to go pick up his work clothes from his house, so he left, which allowed me to sleep an extra hour.
He came back to the hotel room for a cigarette before heading off to work. I sat in the hotel room, waiting for his call for me to come over. During this time, I thought how much it sucked that I was in the same area as Nick, and still, I could not see him or be with him. Then, I got a text message that read: “Damn…I miss u!”
About an hour later, I went over to his job and finally got to see his work place. This was also where he spent most of his time on the phone with me, so I was thrilled to see all the different areas, from the laundry room, to the kitchen, and the lobby, which I had imagined so differently in my head.
Nick had told his boss that he wasn’t feeling good, so instead of working his double shift until 7 in the morning, he would be getting off at 11.
We ordered pizza, and ate while watching TV. Every now and then, we would exchange glances, and he would smile at me – beautifully. I would realize later that my favorite smile of his would be his laughing smile – when I’d tickle him – which I would do plenty of times just to see that smile.
Twenty minutes before his boss was coming to relieve him, he told me to take his car and come back and pick him up. I didn’t have a license, but he said it didn’t matter.
I drove to the store to buy us cigarettes, where I got carded. I was shocked as shit – getting carded at the age of 31.
The clerk took my i.d.
“California, eh?” he said.
“Yep”, I replied.
“Not to be nosy or nothin’, but what brings you all the way out to Alabama from California?”
“Oh…just visiting a friend.”
Why I said "friend”, I have no idea. I guess I’m not used to saying “fiancé” in small talk, and I wouldn’t say “boyfriend” because, well, I don’t call him that, considering we kind of skipped that part. Saying “friend” just avoided any more questions, since I’m not really one for small talk.
I left the store, and as soon as I got in the car, my phone rang. It was my cousin, Danielle, who was calling to inquire about how everything was going.
A month before, Danielle voiced her opinion on our sudden engagement, and it wasn’t a positive one. Not only did she think it was crazy, as everyone else did, but she also felt that I was moving way too fast – especially just having come out of a long term relationship. She had also expressed that she wasn’t surprised my last relationship ended, since she knew, when meeting him, that we weren’t right for each other. But, she did do research, herself, on Nick, and explored his page, and saw that it was clear that we had feelings for each other.
I couldn’t explain to her the strong emotions we did have, though, because she, like everyone else, could never understand the in-depth conversations Nick and I shared that brought us to the point of realizing we were perfect for each other.
In the conversation Danielle and I had on this night, however, her tune had changed.
Danielle then: “How could you ask someone to marry you whom you never even met?”
Danielle now: “It’s good that you had the distance so you both can appreciate the time you have together.”
I had to cut the conversation short, as I had to go back to the hotel to pick up Nick. I sat in the parking lot neighboring the hotel, flipping through the radio stations. Fifteen minutes later, he came to the car, and sat on the passenger’s side. I was glad he was letting me drive, considering I didn’t do it often, and really enjoyed driving when I could.
I drove to Taco Bell where we ordered two extra large Sweet Tea’s – a popular beverage custom in the South. We headed back to the hotel room, watched TV, smoked cigarettes, had sex, and smoked more cigarettes before finally falling asleep at 6:30.
Nick worked at the hotel just up the block from where we were staying. He had to be at work at 3, which really didn’t give us much time together, considering we went to bed around 6, and woke up at 1:30. Nick had to go pick up his work clothes from his house, so he left, which allowed me to sleep an extra hour.
He came back to the hotel room for a cigarette before heading off to work. I sat in the hotel room, waiting for his call for me to come over. During this time, I thought how much it sucked that I was in the same area as Nick, and still, I could not see him or be with him. Then, I got a text message that read: “Damn…I miss u!”
About an hour later, I went over to his job and finally got to see his work place. This was also where he spent most of his time on the phone with me, so I was thrilled to see all the different areas, from the laundry room, to the kitchen, and the lobby, which I had imagined so differently in my head.
Nick had told his boss that he wasn’t feeling good, so instead of working his double shift until 7 in the morning, he would be getting off at 11.
We ordered pizza, and ate while watching TV. Every now and then, we would exchange glances, and he would smile at me – beautifully. I would realize later that my favorite smile of his would be his laughing smile – when I’d tickle him – which I would do plenty of times just to see that smile.
Twenty minutes before his boss was coming to relieve him, he told me to take his car and come back and pick him up. I didn’t have a license, but he said it didn’t matter.
I drove to the store to buy us cigarettes, where I got carded. I was shocked as shit – getting carded at the age of 31.
The clerk took my i.d.
“California, eh?” he said.
“Yep”, I replied.
“Not to be nosy or nothin’, but what brings you all the way out to Alabama from California?”
“Oh…just visiting a friend.”
Why I said "friend”, I have no idea. I guess I’m not used to saying “fiancé” in small talk, and I wouldn’t say “boyfriend” because, well, I don’t call him that, considering we kind of skipped that part. Saying “friend” just avoided any more questions, since I’m not really one for small talk.
I left the store, and as soon as I got in the car, my phone rang. It was my cousin, Danielle, who was calling to inquire about how everything was going.
A month before, Danielle voiced her opinion on our sudden engagement, and it wasn’t a positive one. Not only did she think it was crazy, as everyone else did, but she also felt that I was moving way too fast – especially just having come out of a long term relationship. She had also expressed that she wasn’t surprised my last relationship ended, since she knew, when meeting him, that we weren’t right for each other. But, she did do research, herself, on Nick, and explored his page, and saw that it was clear that we had feelings for each other.
I couldn’t explain to her the strong emotions we did have, though, because she, like everyone else, could never understand the in-depth conversations Nick and I shared that brought us to the point of realizing we were perfect for each other.
In the conversation Danielle and I had on this night, however, her tune had changed.
Danielle then: “How could you ask someone to marry you whom you never even met?”
Danielle now: “It’s good that you had the distance so you both can appreciate the time you have together.”
I had to cut the conversation short, as I had to go back to the hotel to pick up Nick. I sat in the parking lot neighboring the hotel, flipping through the radio stations. Fifteen minutes later, he came to the car, and sat on the passenger’s side. I was glad he was letting me drive, considering I didn’t do it often, and really enjoyed driving when I could.
I drove to Taco Bell where we ordered two extra large Sweet Tea’s – a popular beverage custom in the South. We headed back to the hotel room, watched TV, smoked cigarettes, had sex, and smoked more cigarettes before finally falling asleep at 6:30.
H to the Izzo, V to the Izza
Day 3 – Wednesday, June 6th, 2007
Our checkout time was 11:00. We didn’t leave the room until 11:30. Today was Nick’s day off, and we had no plans. I suggested that we go to a movie, but the choices Andalusia had were not in our interest. After getting some more Sweet Tea from Hardee’s, we headed to his home in Red Level.
Today was the day I saw Nick for the first time outside, in the sunlight. There was something about it that made it special. I don’t know why or what. I mean, it’s not like he looked much different, because he was a very beautiful man – but something about the sun and Nick really made me see more of his beauty in detail – like his beautiful eyes. I could look at this man forever, no matter what time of day, and be completely satisfied.
I have always loved riding in cars, even when there wasn’t much to see out the window. This ride was especially nice, because I had his hand in mine. Every now and then, he would lean over and kiss me.
Andalusia is a town with a population of 8,000. Red Level, on the other hand, is a town of about 8 – or so it seems. Nick decided to take the scenic route, which consisted of trees, a few houses, and more trees. We passed by an old post office that was active in the 1800’s, but now looked like an abandoned shack you’d see in horror movies. I’d be seeing more of these “horror movie” settings in my Red Level visit.
I don’t know the actual facts as to why the place is called Red Level, but I can only assume it’s because of the fiery orange dirt with red tint all over the roads. There were also lifted levels where this dirt was visible, so apparently, this was not man-made dirt, even though I would have thought it, because I had never seen dirt this color before.
After taking me on a semi-tour, Nick decided to head home. We pulled up to a house I was not expecting to see. I guess I had to remind myself that I was in the South, let alone miles from civilization. I grew up in suburbia, as well as living in urban settings for most of my life, where there is a distinct difference in the way houses are built. His house was wooden, as opposed to the cemented homes I was used to. Still, the house was nice. Don’t ask me to describe it in detail, because I’ve never been good at those things.
We made our way inside, where I would be meeting Daphne, his mother – my future mother-in-law – for the first time. I wasn’t exactly nervous, as I’ve had to deal with many mothers before, but, at the same time, I didn’t know what to expect. Nick had “warned” me about her, but being that I had a mother, too, I felt confident enough that I would be able to handle any situation thrown in my direction.
There was no introduction, nor was there an immediate acknowledgement. She knew that I was coming, but, I felt that I was just a friend who had been over the house many times before, as if she was accustomed to my presence without the obligations of saying “Hi”. It didn’t bother me, as I never expect anyone to put on heirs, nor would I want them to. Nick went up to her and handed her a Clove cigarette.
“I don’t want no goddamn joint!” was the first thing I heard her say. She was on the phone with her friend, and spoke with him for a bit. This friend was a long distance relationship that was going on two years. He told her that I was making him look bad by giving Nick a diamond engagement ring. Of course, they were laughing about it, and I, myself, had no need to justify the importance of my relationship with Nick, so I laughed with them. I sat on the chair next to hers, Nick sat on the floor next to me, and when she got off the phone, she started in on the questions.
Not five minutes into the conversation, she asked me if I drank.
“No”, I told her, and then she proceeded in telling me about the supposed drinking problems her son had.
This was something that Nick had warned me about – that she would start talking down about her son. But no matter what she said, I knew Nick, and knew that it was not as bad as she made it out to be.
“He knows the story, mom,” said Nick. I looked over at him, and sensed his tension. Holding his hand, I began to rub his fingers in a sense to let him know that it was okay – even though I knew no matter what I did, I would not be able to ease his stress.
After talking for awhile, Nick and I got up to put the dishes away before heading out for a walk in the woods.
He lived about a mile away from a river, and I thought a walk would be nice. We trekked through uneven ground and humidity while fighting off horseflies swarming around us.
We got close to the river, but not close enough to get to the bank. We noticed what looked like it might have been a moccasin trail, and since I’m deathly terrified of snakes, we decided to head back to the house.
We were sweating profusely, and swatting away at the horseflies, but still found a few moments to take some pictures.
Despite the inconveniences, I have to say, I was really enjoying this time spent with Nick, and though I cannot say I favoured these moments over any other I had with him, I can say that I will never forget this walk – and I’m not saying that because of the pictures.
We got back to the house, and Nick wanted to stay outside for a bit. So, we sat on the porch sidesteps, took more pictures,
and talked some more. I told him that as much as I would hate living miles away from civilization, being with him would make it all better.
After about an hour or so, we went back in the house, where I chatted some more with his mother. The two of us were getting along just fine, and I figured there might be an exception to the rule of her not liking anyone her son was with.
Nick and I decided to go out to eat, and since his mother rarely left the house, it would just be the two of us. He suggested a place in the next town over – Georgiana.
It was a restaurant called the Kozy Korner, and cozy – it was everything but. There were things there that made us laugh, which turned it all into a fun experience, like the fact that the table numbers were actually taped on a piece of paper on top of the table. We sat at table #3. Then, there were our waitresses – the fake friendly type. None of the three waitresses were genuine, as they came off as young stupid bitches that exist in every town in the U.S. Still, we got a laugh when one of them came over to the table and said:
“Y’all’s is ready to order?”
Okay, say “Y’all’s is” out loud, and you’ll hear how funny and awkward it sounds at the same time. So, now Nick and I have an inside joke that we will share for the remainder of the trip.
Then, we notice something that really put this restaurant in a different place than all restaurants I had ever been to. They actually had the Ten Commandments hanging on the wall. To this day, I cannot nor will I ever understand what the Ten Commandments and eating fried food have anything to do with each other.
Nick and I ordered Fried Green Tomatoes as appetizers. They were slightly inconsistent, but they tasted alright. Ms. Y’all’s-is came back to our table with a pitcher.
“Ya’ll want some more tay?” she asked. She meant tea, of course.
She refilled our glasses with sweet tea, and a few minutes later, our food came. I had ordered my steak medium rare. It came out Well-done. Being a waiter, myself, I’m not one to complain, or send things back, even though I should’ve, because it seemed that our being there was an inconvenience to these waitresses, taking them away from their regulars in the town that they knew. Nick had to remind her of my sweet potato fries that she never brought out. I also had corn nuggets on my plate.
Nick had the seafood platter – fried shrimp, stuffed clams, and fried catfish, with fried okra and French fries. That’s the thing I noticed about the south; everything is fried. If you can eat it, you can fry it.
I had never had catfish, so Nick gave me a piece of his. I’m not really a fish lover, but I had heard that catfish is good. It really wasn’t.
The portions, however, were huge. Neither of us could finish our meals, so we asked for to-go boxes, which Ms. Y’all’s-is seemed to be annoyed with having to get us.
I did not have any cash on me, so I went up to the register to pay with my debit card while Nick went out to the car.
“Oh, I’m sorry”, said Bitch #2, “we don’t have a credit card machine? But we’ll take a check.”
I told her that I had no cash or checks, and she pointed me to an ATM machine at the store just down the street. Since Nick had already walked out, I didn’t know what to do. But Bitch #2 told me to go on ahead.
I walked outside to Nick, who was standing at his car, and told him that we had the opportunity to dine and dash. Being that he lived so close, he did not want to attempt it. I understood his point, despite the thoughts going through my head that I could save thirty bucks.
I went to the store, and just my luck, the ATM was out of service.
“It doesn’t work”, said an employee behind me.
“Y’all know where there’s one that does?” I asked. I do say y’all, being from Florida, but that still didn’t disguise the fact that I was an out-of-towner.
“You’re not from around here, are you?”
She then went on to direct me to the nearest ATM. Luckily Nick was from around the area, because I have always had the tendency to tune out directions. I can’t explain the reasons as to why – I just know that my brain automatically shuts off when the words “left” and “right” are used in more than one sentence.
We went to the other place with the ATM, which did not take my debit card. Twenty minutes later, we found a bank that did and we made our way back to the Kozy Korner.
“There they are!” I heard Bitch #2 say to Bitch #3, who was looking out the window for us.
“Oh good”, said Bitch #3. “I told them they all shoulda taken your Rolexes.”
My instinct wanted to throw up my empty wrists and say “Do I look like I’m wearing a Rolex, bitch?” But, instead, I explained to them about the uncooperative ATM’s, and realized halfway through that they weren’t even listening.
Ms. Y’all’s-is took my money, and I tipped her four bucks. Had the service been a little better, and I had been less aggravated, I would have tipped her more.
When I got in the car, I told Nick that I had tipped the waitress.
“You tipped her?” he asked.
“Yeah”, I said, “four bucks.”
“I tipped her!” he said. “I left her six bucks!”
Now, in any relationship I’ve ever been in, this would have blown up into a huge argument. Instead, with Nick, I just had to laugh, because it didn’t.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I should’ve told you I left the tip.”
This really made me smile. I had never been with anyone who apologized like this. Still, it was a simple mistake, and despite the fact the undeserving bitch made ten bucks off of us, there was no anger towards each other in this situation - (with my exes, it would have been my fault.) – and was just another realization of many that this was the right guy for me.
We got back to the house, and sat in the living room with his mother, watching TV, while she ate her dinner. Nick’s PDA comfort level in front of his mother was surprising to me. At the same time, it made me very comfortable touching him. As I sat in the chair, he sat on the floor, in between my legs. I put my hands on his chest, as he raised his up, holding me – my chin resting on the top of his head. He kept asking me if I was uncomfortable in my seating position, but the truth was, I was most comfortable. All the while, I was holding a conversation with his mother.
She asked if we were planning on having children and mentioned that she wanted a granddaughter. I told her that Nick and I wanted a little boy. I could see the disapproval in her face as I was telling her this.
After awhile, Nick decided to go take a shower, which left some time alone with Daphne and I. She asked me if I had gone to school. I told her I didn’t, and that I had dropped out. This started her on her son. “My Nick-las” she would call him.
“My Nick-las is going to finish school.” (I told her I was very supportive in that and any other choice Nick wanted to make with his life.)
“My Nick-las is not moving out of here. If he does, he is never coming back.”
“I’m going to put a trailer next door, and my Nick-las is going to live there.”
I didn’t exactly realize it at that moment, but, basically, she was telling me that I could not have her “Nick-las”.
When Nick got out of the shower, it was my turn. As the water poured over my skin, Daphne’s words began to effect me. It’s amazing that a simple conversation started working a number on my head, in the worst way. So, I began comparing my previous mothers-in law, along with my own mother to that of Daphne.
I had experienced two mothers-in-law prior to her, and I realized that no one is ever good enough for a mother’s son, especially at the beginning of a relationship.
With all of my long term relationships, I had been warned at the beginning that their mothers had never liked anyone that they had been with, yet, I was always the exception to the rule.
In my last relationship, his mother and I did butt heads from time to time, and she didn’t like much of my personality, just like I didn’t like hers, but, for the most part, we had gotten along.
With Daphne, I got the sense that she did like me, but I also sensed her concern for her son. That is understandable. Witnessing failed relationships always leaves room for doubt in a newfound one.
All in all, when my thoughts came together, my fears began to surface as I came to the conclusion that Daphne will not let her son go.
After my shower, I went in the bedroom. Nick came in, and I expressed my fears. He told me not to worry about her, because he does what he wants to do, anyway.
Nick and I laid in bed, talking for a bit before engaging in sexual activity. Tonight was different, because every simple touch felt so good. I guess I had loosened up, because his hand brought me to ecstasy in ways I had never been before. My body was very sensitive to his touch, and I was more vocal than normal. I just hope to God his mother did not hear me.
When we were through, we talked some more, and then watched a movie. Towards the end, Nick started falling asleep, as he was tired. When the movie was finished, I wanted to keep him up for a bit, so I suggested we smoke a cigarette. This was my way of keeping him awake and with me for a few more minutes, being that my time with him was so limited.
Two minutes after the light was off, there was a knock at the door. Nick got dressed and left the room only to come in a few minutes later. He told me to get dressed and go in the living room to chill with his mother. She was freaked out because she saw someone on the porch messing with one of her chairs.
Like being in a horror movie, I wanted to go outside and check out the situation, but they both told me that that was a bad idea. Personally, I’ve always been bold like that, and being that I’ve always felt there was something watching over me, I’ve never been truly scared of venturing into the unknown – unless there were snakes involved.
Daphne was whispering for fear that they might still be out there, and refused to turn on any of the lights. Nick was hungry, and went in the kitchen to cook us our leftovers – all the while, in the dark, with nothing but a nightlight to guide him through the reheating.
We sat on the floor, eating our food, when, all of a sudden, Daphne decided to turn on some music to scare any predator that might be out there, away. So, at 2:30 in the morning, at full blast, Jay-Z’s “Izzo (H.O.V.A.)” was blaring out of the speakers. I turned to Nick, and we both started laughing, as Daphne walked into the bedroom.
“You really can’t make this shit up,” I said to Nick, and we laughed.
Daphne walked out of the room, carrying her gun, which made this even funnier to me. Talk about nothing to do in Alabama, this experience alone brought something new and different to the whole situation.
When we were through eating, we all went to bed and turned in for the night.
Our checkout time was 11:00. We didn’t leave the room until 11:30. Today was Nick’s day off, and we had no plans. I suggested that we go to a movie, but the choices Andalusia had were not in our interest. After getting some more Sweet Tea from Hardee’s, we headed to his home in Red Level.
Today was the day I saw Nick for the first time outside, in the sunlight. There was something about it that made it special. I don’t know why or what. I mean, it’s not like he looked much different, because he was a very beautiful man – but something about the sun and Nick really made me see more of his beauty in detail – like his beautiful eyes. I could look at this man forever, no matter what time of day, and be completely satisfied.
I have always loved riding in cars, even when there wasn’t much to see out the window. This ride was especially nice, because I had his hand in mine. Every now and then, he would lean over and kiss me.
Andalusia is a town with a population of 8,000. Red Level, on the other hand, is a town of about 8 – or so it seems. Nick decided to take the scenic route, which consisted of trees, a few houses, and more trees. We passed by an old post office that was active in the 1800’s, but now looked like an abandoned shack you’d see in horror movies. I’d be seeing more of these “horror movie” settings in my Red Level visit.
I don’t know the actual facts as to why the place is called Red Level, but I can only assume it’s because of the fiery orange dirt with red tint all over the roads. There were also lifted levels where this dirt was visible, so apparently, this was not man-made dirt, even though I would have thought it, because I had never seen dirt this color before.
After taking me on a semi-tour, Nick decided to head home. We pulled up to a house I was not expecting to see. I guess I had to remind myself that I was in the South, let alone miles from civilization. I grew up in suburbia, as well as living in urban settings for most of my life, where there is a distinct difference in the way houses are built. His house was wooden, as opposed to the cemented homes I was used to. Still, the house was nice. Don’t ask me to describe it in detail, because I’ve never been good at those things.
We made our way inside, where I would be meeting Daphne, his mother – my future mother-in-law – for the first time. I wasn’t exactly nervous, as I’ve had to deal with many mothers before, but, at the same time, I didn’t know what to expect. Nick had “warned” me about her, but being that I had a mother, too, I felt confident enough that I would be able to handle any situation thrown in my direction.
There was no introduction, nor was there an immediate acknowledgement. She knew that I was coming, but, I felt that I was just a friend who had been over the house many times before, as if she was accustomed to my presence without the obligations of saying “Hi”. It didn’t bother me, as I never expect anyone to put on heirs, nor would I want them to. Nick went up to her and handed her a Clove cigarette.
“I don’t want no goddamn joint!” was the first thing I heard her say. She was on the phone with her friend, and spoke with him for a bit. This friend was a long distance relationship that was going on two years. He told her that I was making him look bad by giving Nick a diamond engagement ring. Of course, they were laughing about it, and I, myself, had no need to justify the importance of my relationship with Nick, so I laughed with them. I sat on the chair next to hers, Nick sat on the floor next to me, and when she got off the phone, she started in on the questions.
Not five minutes into the conversation, she asked me if I drank.
“No”, I told her, and then she proceeded in telling me about the supposed drinking problems her son had.
This was something that Nick had warned me about – that she would start talking down about her son. But no matter what she said, I knew Nick, and knew that it was not as bad as she made it out to be.
“He knows the story, mom,” said Nick. I looked over at him, and sensed his tension. Holding his hand, I began to rub his fingers in a sense to let him know that it was okay – even though I knew no matter what I did, I would not be able to ease his stress.
After talking for awhile, Nick and I got up to put the dishes away before heading out for a walk in the woods.
He lived about a mile away from a river, and I thought a walk would be nice. We trekked through uneven ground and humidity while fighting off horseflies swarming around us.
We got close to the river, but not close enough to get to the bank. We noticed what looked like it might have been a moccasin trail, and since I’m deathly terrified of snakes, we decided to head back to the house.
We were sweating profusely, and swatting away at the horseflies, but still found a few moments to take some pictures.
Despite the inconveniences, I have to say, I was really enjoying this time spent with Nick, and though I cannot say I favoured these moments over any other I had with him, I can say that I will never forget this walk – and I’m not saying that because of the pictures.
We got back to the house, and Nick wanted to stay outside for a bit. So, we sat on the porch sidesteps, took more pictures,
and talked some more. I told him that as much as I would hate living miles away from civilization, being with him would make it all better.After about an hour or so, we went back in the house, where I chatted some more with his mother. The two of us were getting along just fine, and I figured there might be an exception to the rule of her not liking anyone her son was with.
Nick and I decided to go out to eat, and since his mother rarely left the house, it would just be the two of us. He suggested a place in the next town over – Georgiana.
It was a restaurant called the Kozy Korner, and cozy – it was everything but. There were things there that made us laugh, which turned it all into a fun experience, like the fact that the table numbers were actually taped on a piece of paper on top of the table. We sat at table #3. Then, there were our waitresses – the fake friendly type. None of the three waitresses were genuine, as they came off as young stupid bitches that exist in every town in the U.S. Still, we got a laugh when one of them came over to the table and said:
“Y’all’s is ready to order?”
Okay, say “Y’all’s is” out loud, and you’ll hear how funny and awkward it sounds at the same time. So, now Nick and I have an inside joke that we will share for the remainder of the trip.
Then, we notice something that really put this restaurant in a different place than all restaurants I had ever been to. They actually had the Ten Commandments hanging on the wall. To this day, I cannot nor will I ever understand what the Ten Commandments and eating fried food have anything to do with each other.
Nick and I ordered Fried Green Tomatoes as appetizers. They were slightly inconsistent, but they tasted alright. Ms. Y’all’s-is came back to our table with a pitcher.
“Ya’ll want some more tay?” she asked. She meant tea, of course.
She refilled our glasses with sweet tea, and a few minutes later, our food came. I had ordered my steak medium rare. It came out Well-done. Being a waiter, myself, I’m not one to complain, or send things back, even though I should’ve, because it seemed that our being there was an inconvenience to these waitresses, taking them away from their regulars in the town that they knew. Nick had to remind her of my sweet potato fries that she never brought out. I also had corn nuggets on my plate.
Nick had the seafood platter – fried shrimp, stuffed clams, and fried catfish, with fried okra and French fries. That’s the thing I noticed about the south; everything is fried. If you can eat it, you can fry it.
I had never had catfish, so Nick gave me a piece of his. I’m not really a fish lover, but I had heard that catfish is good. It really wasn’t.
The portions, however, were huge. Neither of us could finish our meals, so we asked for to-go boxes, which Ms. Y’all’s-is seemed to be annoyed with having to get us.
I did not have any cash on me, so I went up to the register to pay with my debit card while Nick went out to the car.
“Oh, I’m sorry”, said Bitch #2, “we don’t have a credit card machine? But we’ll take a check.”
I told her that I had no cash or checks, and she pointed me to an ATM machine at the store just down the street. Since Nick had already walked out, I didn’t know what to do. But Bitch #2 told me to go on ahead.
I walked outside to Nick, who was standing at his car, and told him that we had the opportunity to dine and dash. Being that he lived so close, he did not want to attempt it. I understood his point, despite the thoughts going through my head that I could save thirty bucks.
I went to the store, and just my luck, the ATM was out of service.
“It doesn’t work”, said an employee behind me.
“Y’all know where there’s one that does?” I asked. I do say y’all, being from Florida, but that still didn’t disguise the fact that I was an out-of-towner.
“You’re not from around here, are you?”
She then went on to direct me to the nearest ATM. Luckily Nick was from around the area, because I have always had the tendency to tune out directions. I can’t explain the reasons as to why – I just know that my brain automatically shuts off when the words “left” and “right” are used in more than one sentence.
We went to the other place with the ATM, which did not take my debit card. Twenty minutes later, we found a bank that did and we made our way back to the Kozy Korner.
“There they are!” I heard Bitch #2 say to Bitch #3, who was looking out the window for us.
“Oh good”, said Bitch #3. “I told them they all shoulda taken your Rolexes.”
My instinct wanted to throw up my empty wrists and say “Do I look like I’m wearing a Rolex, bitch?” But, instead, I explained to them about the uncooperative ATM’s, and realized halfway through that they weren’t even listening.
Ms. Y’all’s-is took my money, and I tipped her four bucks. Had the service been a little better, and I had been less aggravated, I would have tipped her more.
When I got in the car, I told Nick that I had tipped the waitress.
“You tipped her?” he asked.
“Yeah”, I said, “four bucks.”
“I tipped her!” he said. “I left her six bucks!”
Now, in any relationship I’ve ever been in, this would have blown up into a huge argument. Instead, with Nick, I just had to laugh, because it didn’t.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I should’ve told you I left the tip.”
This really made me smile. I had never been with anyone who apologized like this. Still, it was a simple mistake, and despite the fact the undeserving bitch made ten bucks off of us, there was no anger towards each other in this situation - (with my exes, it would have been my fault.) – and was just another realization of many that this was the right guy for me.
We got back to the house, and sat in the living room with his mother, watching TV, while she ate her dinner. Nick’s PDA comfort level in front of his mother was surprising to me. At the same time, it made me very comfortable touching him. As I sat in the chair, he sat on the floor, in between my legs. I put my hands on his chest, as he raised his up, holding me – my chin resting on the top of his head. He kept asking me if I was uncomfortable in my seating position, but the truth was, I was most comfortable. All the while, I was holding a conversation with his mother.
She asked if we were planning on having children and mentioned that she wanted a granddaughter. I told her that Nick and I wanted a little boy. I could see the disapproval in her face as I was telling her this.
After awhile, Nick decided to go take a shower, which left some time alone with Daphne and I. She asked me if I had gone to school. I told her I didn’t, and that I had dropped out. This started her on her son. “My Nick-las” she would call him.
“My Nick-las is going to finish school.” (I told her I was very supportive in that and any other choice Nick wanted to make with his life.)
“My Nick-las is not moving out of here. If he does, he is never coming back.”
“I’m going to put a trailer next door, and my Nick-las is going to live there.”
I didn’t exactly realize it at that moment, but, basically, she was telling me that I could not have her “Nick-las”.
When Nick got out of the shower, it was my turn. As the water poured over my skin, Daphne’s words began to effect me. It’s amazing that a simple conversation started working a number on my head, in the worst way. So, I began comparing my previous mothers-in law, along with my own mother to that of Daphne.
I had experienced two mothers-in-law prior to her, and I realized that no one is ever good enough for a mother’s son, especially at the beginning of a relationship.
With all of my long term relationships, I had been warned at the beginning that their mothers had never liked anyone that they had been with, yet, I was always the exception to the rule.
In my last relationship, his mother and I did butt heads from time to time, and she didn’t like much of my personality, just like I didn’t like hers, but, for the most part, we had gotten along.
With Daphne, I got the sense that she did like me, but I also sensed her concern for her son. That is understandable. Witnessing failed relationships always leaves room for doubt in a newfound one.
All in all, when my thoughts came together, my fears began to surface as I came to the conclusion that Daphne will not let her son go.
After my shower, I went in the bedroom. Nick came in, and I expressed my fears. He told me not to worry about her, because he does what he wants to do, anyway.
Nick and I laid in bed, talking for a bit before engaging in sexual activity. Tonight was different, because every simple touch felt so good. I guess I had loosened up, because his hand brought me to ecstasy in ways I had never been before. My body was very sensitive to his touch, and I was more vocal than normal. I just hope to God his mother did not hear me.
When we were through, we talked some more, and then watched a movie. Towards the end, Nick started falling asleep, as he was tired. When the movie was finished, I wanted to keep him up for a bit, so I suggested we smoke a cigarette. This was my way of keeping him awake and with me for a few more minutes, being that my time with him was so limited.
Two minutes after the light was off, there was a knock at the door. Nick got dressed and left the room only to come in a few minutes later. He told me to get dressed and go in the living room to chill with his mother. She was freaked out because she saw someone on the porch messing with one of her chairs.
Like being in a horror movie, I wanted to go outside and check out the situation, but they both told me that that was a bad idea. Personally, I’ve always been bold like that, and being that I’ve always felt there was something watching over me, I’ve never been truly scared of venturing into the unknown – unless there were snakes involved.
Daphne was whispering for fear that they might still be out there, and refused to turn on any of the lights. Nick was hungry, and went in the kitchen to cook us our leftovers – all the while, in the dark, with nothing but a nightlight to guide him through the reheating.
We sat on the floor, eating our food, when, all of a sudden, Daphne decided to turn on some music to scare any predator that might be out there, away. So, at 2:30 in the morning, at full blast, Jay-Z’s “Izzo (H.O.V.A.)” was blaring out of the speakers. I turned to Nick, and we both started laughing, as Daphne walked into the bedroom.
“You really can’t make this shit up,” I said to Nick, and we laughed.
Daphne walked out of the room, carrying her gun, which made this even funnier to me. Talk about nothing to do in Alabama, this experience alone brought something new and different to the whole situation.
When we were through eating, we all went to bed and turned in for the night.
The Mother of Them All
Day 4 – Thursday, June 6, 2007
Nick’s bed and room was extremely comfortable. He has it completely dark in there, so no sunlight comes through. Sleeping all day was not a problem for us. Time was lost, and lying with him, time was not something I wanted to find.
I had awoken a few times with Nick by my side, and it was so easy to fall back asleep. At one point, I had awoken, and he was not by my side. I could not fall back asleep, as I was wondering where he had gone to.
Five minutes later, he came back into the room.
“You left me”, I said.
“I’m sorry, baby,” he replied.
He then told me that he was going up the street to his grandfather’s house. He kissed me goodbye, and I knew there was no way I would be able to fall back asleep. So, I found this opportunity to text and send the pictures to him and my email address.
An hour later, he came back with his dog, Trippy – a Chihuahua mixed with I don’t know what. Trippy took a liking to me right away. He kept jumping on the bed to explore me, and I heard Daphne in the other room telling Nick to make sure that Trippy was not on the bed.
I looked at Nick and noticed that he was wearing my shirt that I had worn the night before after I had gotten out of the shower. This meant so much to me – for him to just randomly throw on a piece of my clothing. I was touched.
I got dressed, throwing on a pair of his sweatpants and his t-shirt. I did not do this for the same reason that he wore my shirt. I did it because this is what I put on the night before when I couldn’t find my clothes. However, at the same time, I wanted to wear his clothes, because it was another way of getting closer to him – if that makes any sense at all.
I went into the living room and sat on the chair next to Daphne’s. Trippy kept jumping on my legs, and, as I was holding Nick’s hand, you could see the look of confusion on his face.
Daphne kept telling Nick to put Trippy outside, and as Nick was trying to do so, Trippy kept cuddling up next to me. Finally, Nick had to come to the chair and pick him up to put him out.
Nick started making our dinners, which was very basic; Hamburgers and french fries. I told him that I wanted mustard and cheese on mine. Daphne laughed and told me I was weird.
As he was cooking, Daphne asked me, “Now, are you staying here tonight? Or are you going to work with Nick?”
Of course I was going to be with Nick, and I told her so. Grant it, her and I could have possibly spent some quality time together, but the truth was, I came to Alabama to be with him.
When we were done eating, Nick and I went back into the bedroom. We laid on the bed, where he put his head on my chest. I began running my fingers through his hair, and I could tell from his breathing that he was falling asleep. He started snoring, which actually put me to sleep. I know that sounds strange, but, prior to this trip, Nick and I would fall asleep over the phone, and his snoring made me feel content that he was at rest, so it became my lullabye.
This sleep, however, did not last for long, as he had to get up and get ready for work. As he was standing there, above me, putting on his shirt, I had a strange thought come to mind; I felt like I had been with him for the longest time, almost like I knew him by heart, as if we’d been together for years – and this feeling – this thought - made me so comfortable.
He went into the shower, and I laid in bed, still complacent with this thought.
“Sean!” I heard Daphne call my name. I hadn’t been wearing a shirt, and had to search around the room, before going to my suitcase, and pulling out my favorite Echo shirt. I went into the living room, to experience one of the most disturbing moments in my life that I can remember.
“Yeah”, I said, standing by Daphne’s chair. She was fumbling through her cigarettes without looking in my direction as her words came out.
“I don’t have a problem with you or anythin’ as a person, but if you wanna continue seein’ Nick and visitin’, ya’ll are gonna have to get a hotel, ‘cause I don’t want you stayin’ here.”
I physically felt the blow to my stomach.
“Really?” I said, in shock. “Why is that?”
“Because you’re not right for my son.” She said, matter-of-factly, as she looked dead in my eyes.
“Why do you say that?” I asked. I could feel my defense starting to kick in.
“Because you have no goals and I don’t want my son gettin’ involved with you.”
“Really? ‘Cause you don’t know anything about me!”
“Don’t disrespect me in my house!”, her voice raising.
“I’m not disrespecting you!” said my attitude, but I had to hold my attitude back, because at that moment the only person I cared about not disrespecting, was Nick. I cared too much about him to fight with this woman, so I pushed Mr. Attitude back in, even though I could feel him wanting to bust out, because I started shaking. She went on:
“You are jealous of mine and my son’s relationship. I can see that.” (I mentally had to pull out the superglue to keep my mouth shut) “Now, you can stay here tonight, but after tonight, that’s it. I don’t want you here no more. Alright, that’s all. I’m through with you.”
“Fine”, I said, walking away before I said something that would set her off even more. “No disrespect!”
“None here either!”
I went in the bedroom and closed the door. I tried to calm myself down, by breathing, but my disbelief, along with my rapid heartbeat and shaking hands just brought a whole bunch of thoughts in my head. I hadn’t seen this coming. Blindsided, I was mixed in shock and confusion as I began thinking that she was going to ruin this relationship. I wanted Nick to hurry out of the shower. In the meantime, I packed my suitcase before sitting on the bed and taking deep breaths, almost holding back tears.
Finally, Nick came into the bedroom, walked over to me, and ran his hand through my hair. I thought he may have heard the conversation, but when he asked me what was wrong, I knew he hadn't.
“We have to stay at a hotel tonight,” I told him.
“Why? What is it, baby?”
“I’m no longer welcome in your house.”
He sighed. “I knew she was gonna do this.”
He went on to tell me that it was okay, and told me to take a shower. I refused. I was not going to do anything in that house that would cause Daphne to be any more upset with me, and that included using her well water.
I recapped the conversation to Nick, and went on about how small she made me feel, taking my weakness (like the “goal” thing) and shoving it in my face. The thing was, I’m not one to hold back, especially when I feel I’m being attacked, and it took all my strength to do so in this situation.
He told me not to worry about anything, and that we would be staying there tonight, before he went into the living room.
He came back a few minutes later, and put on his shoes.
“Okay”, he said, “Let’s get outta here.”
“Did she say anything to you?”
“No. But she’s in one of her moods. Let’s just go.”
“Should I bring my suitcase?”
“No. We’ll get it later.”
We headed out the house, and I was not going to let Daphne know that she had gotten to me, so, as I passed her, I told her to have a good night.
“You too”, she said.
As we made our way to the car, she followed out after us.
“Where’s your all stuff?” She asked.
“I’ll get it later,” said Nick.
“I don’t want you bringin’ your people ‘round here no more, Nick. I’m tired of this!”
In the car, Nick informed me that she has done this to everyone in his life, including his female friends. This was the real reason why he never wanted to bring me to the house. He then went on to tell me that earlier that day, he told her how happy I made him feel.
“My God”, I said. “It’s like a competition. I feel like I’m competing with your mother.”
“No, baby,” he said. “Your not competing with her. She’s competing with you, and that’s what she’s scared of. She feels threatened.”
My phase switched to anger, and I found myself starting to bitch about the situation. At the same time, I didn’t want to say anything that might piss Nick off, because, after all, it was his mother, so I decided to drop it.
And then the phone rings, which, of course, was his mother calling. I thought maybe she’d be calling to apologize, as if her mood had changed, but I could tell from Nick’s aggravation in his phone conversation that my thoughts were wrong.
When he hung up the phone, he told me that she basically told him everything that she had told me.
“I’ll prove her wrong,” I said.
“You don’t have to prove her wrong.” He said. “Just love me.”
I held his hand. I wanted him to know that I was not going to let her effect our relationship. I was not going anywhere, and his mother would just have to deal with that.
When we got to the hotel, Nick went inside, while I moved into the driver’s seat. It would be about an hour or so before I could join him, since his boss was there. So, I drove to Wal-Mart and sat in the parking lot, where I texted four of my closest friends, briefly explaining my earlier encounter. I got three responses back right away, and it was my cousin’s text reply that made me laugh. It read: “Holy Crap! Well at least that’s something you both have in common: Psycho moms!”
As soon as I read that, my phone rang. It was Nick, telling me that the coast was clear, so I headed over to the hotel.
Most of the night seemed a bit stressful for Nick. His mother kept calling, and he mentioned to me that we had to get a hotel for the early morning. He felt bad, knowing that I had to pay for this, but I told him not to worry.
“I feel like I’ve known you forever,” he said to me, which confirmed from my earlier thought that we were both on the same page.
There’s something about Nick that I find wonderful – well, I find many wonderful things about him – but, specifically, on this night, he made me feel at ease – as if his presence alone just makes everything better. I know I’ve mentioned it before, but being by his side really felt good. Not just good, but right.
We went out by the pool, while he cleaned it, as we joked, talked, and laughed. It was so nice being by his side – able to stand there and put my arms around him on this nice quiet night.
We went back into the laundry room where we took some more pictures:
He turned off the lights, and we laid on the hardwood table where we took a little nap. As for the hardwood, lying with Nick made the table just as comfortable as if we were lying in bed.
We only slept for about an hour before Nick had to get up and finish his work. I got up and had breakfast before heading out to his car, waiting for his relief to come.
During this time, Nick made a reservation for us at a neighboring hotel. He then joined me in the car, and we drove there, where he checked us in, using my debit card.We made our way to the hotel room, where we shared yet another intimate moment before falling asleep in the early morning hours
Nick’s bed and room was extremely comfortable. He has it completely dark in there, so no sunlight comes through. Sleeping all day was not a problem for us. Time was lost, and lying with him, time was not something I wanted to find.
I had awoken a few times with Nick by my side, and it was so easy to fall back asleep. At one point, I had awoken, and he was not by my side. I could not fall back asleep, as I was wondering where he had gone to.
Five minutes later, he came back into the room.
“You left me”, I said.
“I’m sorry, baby,” he replied.
He then told me that he was going up the street to his grandfather’s house. He kissed me goodbye, and I knew there was no way I would be able to fall back asleep. So, I found this opportunity to text and send the pictures to him and my email address.
An hour later, he came back with his dog, Trippy – a Chihuahua mixed with I don’t know what. Trippy took a liking to me right away. He kept jumping on the bed to explore me, and I heard Daphne in the other room telling Nick to make sure that Trippy was not on the bed.
I looked at Nick and noticed that he was wearing my shirt that I had worn the night before after I had gotten out of the shower. This meant so much to me – for him to just randomly throw on a piece of my clothing. I was touched.
I got dressed, throwing on a pair of his sweatpants and his t-shirt. I did not do this for the same reason that he wore my shirt. I did it because this is what I put on the night before when I couldn’t find my clothes. However, at the same time, I wanted to wear his clothes, because it was another way of getting closer to him – if that makes any sense at all.
I went into the living room and sat on the chair next to Daphne’s. Trippy kept jumping on my legs, and, as I was holding Nick’s hand, you could see the look of confusion on his face.
Daphne kept telling Nick to put Trippy outside, and as Nick was trying to do so, Trippy kept cuddling up next to me. Finally, Nick had to come to the chair and pick him up to put him out.
Nick started making our dinners, which was very basic; Hamburgers and french fries. I told him that I wanted mustard and cheese on mine. Daphne laughed and told me I was weird.
As he was cooking, Daphne asked me, “Now, are you staying here tonight? Or are you going to work with Nick?”
Of course I was going to be with Nick, and I told her so. Grant it, her and I could have possibly spent some quality time together, but the truth was, I came to Alabama to be with him.
When we were done eating, Nick and I went back into the bedroom. We laid on the bed, where he put his head on my chest. I began running my fingers through his hair, and I could tell from his breathing that he was falling asleep. He started snoring, which actually put me to sleep. I know that sounds strange, but, prior to this trip, Nick and I would fall asleep over the phone, and his snoring made me feel content that he was at rest, so it became my lullabye.
This sleep, however, did not last for long, as he had to get up and get ready for work. As he was standing there, above me, putting on his shirt, I had a strange thought come to mind; I felt like I had been with him for the longest time, almost like I knew him by heart, as if we’d been together for years – and this feeling – this thought - made me so comfortable.
He went into the shower, and I laid in bed, still complacent with this thought.
“Sean!” I heard Daphne call my name. I hadn’t been wearing a shirt, and had to search around the room, before going to my suitcase, and pulling out my favorite Echo shirt. I went into the living room, to experience one of the most disturbing moments in my life that I can remember.
“Yeah”, I said, standing by Daphne’s chair. She was fumbling through her cigarettes without looking in my direction as her words came out.
“I don’t have a problem with you or anythin’ as a person, but if you wanna continue seein’ Nick and visitin’, ya’ll are gonna have to get a hotel, ‘cause I don’t want you stayin’ here.”
I physically felt the blow to my stomach.
“Really?” I said, in shock. “Why is that?”
“Because you’re not right for my son.” She said, matter-of-factly, as she looked dead in my eyes.
“Why do you say that?” I asked. I could feel my defense starting to kick in.
“Because you have no goals and I don’t want my son gettin’ involved with you.”
“Really? ‘Cause you don’t know anything about me!”
“Don’t disrespect me in my house!”, her voice raising.
“I’m not disrespecting you!” said my attitude, but I had to hold my attitude back, because at that moment the only person I cared about not disrespecting, was Nick. I cared too much about him to fight with this woman, so I pushed Mr. Attitude back in, even though I could feel him wanting to bust out, because I started shaking. She went on:
“You are jealous of mine and my son’s relationship. I can see that.” (I mentally had to pull out the superglue to keep my mouth shut) “Now, you can stay here tonight, but after tonight, that’s it. I don’t want you here no more. Alright, that’s all. I’m through with you.”
“Fine”, I said, walking away before I said something that would set her off even more. “No disrespect!”
“None here either!”
I went in the bedroom and closed the door. I tried to calm myself down, by breathing, but my disbelief, along with my rapid heartbeat and shaking hands just brought a whole bunch of thoughts in my head. I hadn’t seen this coming. Blindsided, I was mixed in shock and confusion as I began thinking that she was going to ruin this relationship. I wanted Nick to hurry out of the shower. In the meantime, I packed my suitcase before sitting on the bed and taking deep breaths, almost holding back tears.
Finally, Nick came into the bedroom, walked over to me, and ran his hand through my hair. I thought he may have heard the conversation, but when he asked me what was wrong, I knew he hadn't.
“We have to stay at a hotel tonight,” I told him.
“Why? What is it, baby?”
“I’m no longer welcome in your house.”
He sighed. “I knew she was gonna do this.”
He went on to tell me that it was okay, and told me to take a shower. I refused. I was not going to do anything in that house that would cause Daphne to be any more upset with me, and that included using her well water.
I recapped the conversation to Nick, and went on about how small she made me feel, taking my weakness (like the “goal” thing) and shoving it in my face. The thing was, I’m not one to hold back, especially when I feel I’m being attacked, and it took all my strength to do so in this situation.
He told me not to worry about anything, and that we would be staying there tonight, before he went into the living room.
He came back a few minutes later, and put on his shoes.
“Okay”, he said, “Let’s get outta here.”
“Did she say anything to you?”
“No. But she’s in one of her moods. Let’s just go.”
“Should I bring my suitcase?”
“No. We’ll get it later.”
We headed out the house, and I was not going to let Daphne know that she had gotten to me, so, as I passed her, I told her to have a good night.
“You too”, she said.
As we made our way to the car, she followed out after us.
“Where’s your all stuff?” She asked.
“I’ll get it later,” said Nick.
“I don’t want you bringin’ your people ‘round here no more, Nick. I’m tired of this!”
In the car, Nick informed me that she has done this to everyone in his life, including his female friends. This was the real reason why he never wanted to bring me to the house. He then went on to tell me that earlier that day, he told her how happy I made him feel.
“My God”, I said. “It’s like a competition. I feel like I’m competing with your mother.”
“No, baby,” he said. “Your not competing with her. She’s competing with you, and that’s what she’s scared of. She feels threatened.”
My phase switched to anger, and I found myself starting to bitch about the situation. At the same time, I didn’t want to say anything that might piss Nick off, because, after all, it was his mother, so I decided to drop it.
And then the phone rings, which, of course, was his mother calling. I thought maybe she’d be calling to apologize, as if her mood had changed, but I could tell from Nick’s aggravation in his phone conversation that my thoughts were wrong.
When he hung up the phone, he told me that she basically told him everything that she had told me.
“I’ll prove her wrong,” I said.
“You don’t have to prove her wrong.” He said. “Just love me.”
I held his hand. I wanted him to know that I was not going to let her effect our relationship. I was not going anywhere, and his mother would just have to deal with that.
When we got to the hotel, Nick went inside, while I moved into the driver’s seat. It would be about an hour or so before I could join him, since his boss was there. So, I drove to Wal-Mart and sat in the parking lot, where I texted four of my closest friends, briefly explaining my earlier encounter. I got three responses back right away, and it was my cousin’s text reply that made me laugh. It read: “Holy Crap! Well at least that’s something you both have in common: Psycho moms!”
As soon as I read that, my phone rang. It was Nick, telling me that the coast was clear, so I headed over to the hotel.
Most of the night seemed a bit stressful for Nick. His mother kept calling, and he mentioned to me that we had to get a hotel for the early morning. He felt bad, knowing that I had to pay for this, but I told him not to worry.
“I feel like I’ve known you forever,” he said to me, which confirmed from my earlier thought that we were both on the same page.
There’s something about Nick that I find wonderful – well, I find many wonderful things about him – but, specifically, on this night, he made me feel at ease – as if his presence alone just makes everything better. I know I’ve mentioned it before, but being by his side really felt good. Not just good, but right.
We went out by the pool, while he cleaned it, as we joked, talked, and laughed. It was so nice being by his side – able to stand there and put my arms around him on this nice quiet night.
We went back into the laundry room where we took some more pictures:
He turned off the lights, and we laid on the hardwood table where we took a little nap. As for the hardwood, lying with Nick made the table just as comfortable as if we were lying in bed.We only slept for about an hour before Nick had to get up and finish his work. I got up and had breakfast before heading out to his car, waiting for his relief to come.
During this time, Nick made a reservation for us at a neighboring hotel. He then joined me in the car, and we drove there, where he checked us in, using my debit card.We made our way to the hotel room, where we shared yet another intimate moment before falling asleep in the early morning hours
It's What He Does To Me
Day 5 – Friday, June 7, 2007
We only had a few hours of sleep before waking up. Nick had to be at work at three to work his double shift, and was going to get our stuff from his house, but, being that he was tired, his motivation was lacking. I didn’t care, because I wanted him there with me, anyway. I was dreading the fact that I wouldn’t be with him for most of the day.
After a few cigarettes, he got ready for work, while I stayed in bed. When he left, I got up and took a shower. While I was in there, I heard a bunch of banging, and was wondering if the neighbors were fighting, or whether it was the construction going on at that hotel.
I found out, after getting out of the shower, that it was actually storming – hard. That really sucked, because I didn’t know how I was going to make it to Nick’s job as the floods kept rising, along with the lightening. I turned on the TV, and began watching VH1 as I waited for the storms to subside. The phone in the room rang, and it took me a few seconds on debating whether or not I should answer it. That is instinctual for me, as I am one who screens my calls. Besides, who would be calling me here?
I did answer it, though, and it was Nick. Apparently, he had been trying to call my cell, but, because of the storm, he kept getting my voicemail, which, of course, was why he called the room. He told me that he was busy, because the cleaning ladies had not finished setting up the rooms, so he had several people waiting in the lobby.
I spent the next few minutes texting a friend of mine, Erika, as she inquired about the mother-in-law situation that happened the night before. I began to get restless as it started sprinkling. I left the hotel room, and went to the store. I called Nick to see if he wanted anything, and he told me to pick him up a bag of Doritos. So, I did, along with Chocolate Chip Pecan cookies, in which upon receiving, Nick responded with “They’re the bomb!”
After dropping off the snacks and smoking a cigarette with Nick, I had to leave, because his boss was on his way, yet, Nick had no idea when nor where his boss was.
So, I took Nick’s car and decided to drive around Andalusia. I didn’t really know where to go, but I figured I would drive in close proximity. I ended up going a little out of the way, but making sure I paid attention to where exactly I was turning so as not to get lost.
I figured I’d put gas in his car, so I stopped at a gas station. The laws here are different about pumping gas. I was not used to paying before pumping, as that had not been in effect since I was a child. But, here, they seemed surprised when I went to pay that I hadn’t started pumping yet.
Afterwards, I drove to Wal-Mart, where, on my way, Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” came on the radio, and I busted out singing it, amazed that I could actually drive and sing at the same time. To be honest, I never thought I could, as I believed that my concentration was lacking when I would bust out into song – which is probably why I take long showers, because for some reason, I cannot soap up and sing at the same time.
At Wal-Mart, I bought a notebook, so that I could start "The Andalusia Experience”, as well as a card for Nick to show how much I appreciated him. While getting my notebook, I received a text from Nick.
“I miss u, baby. Watcha doin?”
I replied telling him where I was, as well as letting him know I put gas in his car. His response:
"Awww…Thank u, baby. I wish that fucker would hurry. I want u with me.”
On my way out of the store, I bought Nick a 20 oz. bottle of Mr. Pibb, since it was a favorite of his, and the soda machine at his hotel was out of them.
I sat in the car in the parking lot, filling out the card, and heard for the first time the Plain White T’s “Hey There, Delilah.” I immediately fell in love with this song, as it was about a long distance relationship, and many of those words were words that I, myself, felt about Nick.
When the song was done, I realized how much I was missing him, so I drove back to his job, texting him that I bought him a Mr. Pibb, and to meet me outside.
“Come in, baby” was his reply.
I did, again for a brief period of time, as we really had to watch out for his boss, who wouldn’t have taken so kindly to my being there.
After that, I decided to venture on to the Andalusia mall, which consisted of JC Penny, and a few other little stores. I never got to go into the actual mall, because as soon as I walked into Penny’s, after passing the Customer Service desk, I heard the announcement:
“Attention shopper’s: The time is now 8:00. JC Penny is now closed.”
So, I turned right around and headed back out.
I went to the Hardee’s drive-thru and ordered my dinner, where I sat in the parking lot, eating. Nick had called and told me to wait in the hotel room, but I told him that I wanted to be as close to him as possible, and even though our hotel was next door to his, I could not see his from my room.
I moved closer to his job in an empty parking lot, with the exception of a few cars. I watched about 12 or so workers from the Chinese restaurant pack into a mini-van, which made me think of a clown car. I wondered if they all lived in the same house, too, and then I wondered if any of them were sold as slaves, like in the movie, Crash. I also watched as Nick’s boss finally pulled into the hotel.
As I was listening to all of the overplayed music coming from the radio, I found it quite funny that what I was doing resembled that of a stalker. But, to clarify, I was not stalking Nick. I was waiting for his boss to leave.
His boss finally did leave, and to avoid him spotting Nick’s car, I turned on the engine to move it so that it wouldn’t be seen. I sped up in the parking lot, where I ran over a cinderblock, causing the car to jump. It was dark, and I didn’t see the cinderblock, but, still it was kinda cool…I was just hoping that I hadn’t ruined anything on his car.
I pulled up next to the pool, where I witnessed Nick telling a bunch of noisy obnoxious children that it was time to get out. I then made my way to park in the hotel parking lot.
Nick was tired, and I couldn’t blame him, as we didn’t really get much sleep, so he turned off the light and decided to lay down on the hardwood table with me. I wasn’t tired, so I decided to take this opportunity to sensually caress him, while trying to take off as much of his clothes as possible. In the process of all this “foreplay”, many interruptions, such as guests ringing the buzzer, caused him to jump off the table and hurriedly get dressed in order to help them with their needs. It was both frustrating and cute at the same time. Putting him in that position was cruel on my part, I know. I should have been a little more considerate, but I seriously could not resist the temptation.
When we finally “finished”, he turned on the light as I searched for my glasses. He found them at the end of the table where he had been laying. The lenses were popped out, and the arms bent. I went to pop the lenses back in, but noticed the screws were missing. Luckily the screws were easily spotted on the table. So, the next half hour was spent with him (so sweetly, mind you) repairing the glasses with his switchblade.
Finally, I popped in the lenses and bent them back into shape.
The phone rang, and it was his friend, Pam, and as he was talking to her, I took the opportunity to snap another picture.
When he got off the phone with Pam, he decided to attempt another nap, so it was back to the comfort of his arms on the hardwood table. This time, sleep was a success, but as my alarm went off at 4:30, it was ignored by the both of us.
At 5:30, Nick is supposed to open the doors so that guests at the hotel can enjoy the complimentary breakfast given by the hotel. It was 5:20, and with breakfast not being set up yet, Nick awoke and jumped off the table in a mad rush to get it all done in 10 minutes. By doing this, this set him behind in his paperwork.
I took my time getting up, and had breakfast before going to the nearby gas station one last time to get us cigarettes.
Today was going to be very hard for me. I only had a few hours left with Nick before catching my flight, and I really wanted my last remaining moments with him to go by slow. As I sat waiting for him in the parking lot, I tried to prepare myself for the dreaded goodbye, or at least, push that fact aside, because I was not ready.
We only had a few hours of sleep before waking up. Nick had to be at work at three to work his double shift, and was going to get our stuff from his house, but, being that he was tired, his motivation was lacking. I didn’t care, because I wanted him there with me, anyway. I was dreading the fact that I wouldn’t be with him for most of the day.
After a few cigarettes, he got ready for work, while I stayed in bed. When he left, I got up and took a shower. While I was in there, I heard a bunch of banging, and was wondering if the neighbors were fighting, or whether it was the construction going on at that hotel.
I found out, after getting out of the shower, that it was actually storming – hard. That really sucked, because I didn’t know how I was going to make it to Nick’s job as the floods kept rising, along with the lightening. I turned on the TV, and began watching VH1 as I waited for the storms to subside. The phone in the room rang, and it took me a few seconds on debating whether or not I should answer it. That is instinctual for me, as I am one who screens my calls. Besides, who would be calling me here?
I did answer it, though, and it was Nick. Apparently, he had been trying to call my cell, but, because of the storm, he kept getting my voicemail, which, of course, was why he called the room. He told me that he was busy, because the cleaning ladies had not finished setting up the rooms, so he had several people waiting in the lobby.
I spent the next few minutes texting a friend of mine, Erika, as she inquired about the mother-in-law situation that happened the night before. I began to get restless as it started sprinkling. I left the hotel room, and went to the store. I called Nick to see if he wanted anything, and he told me to pick him up a bag of Doritos. So, I did, along with Chocolate Chip Pecan cookies, in which upon receiving, Nick responded with “They’re the bomb!”
After dropping off the snacks and smoking a cigarette with Nick, I had to leave, because his boss was on his way, yet, Nick had no idea when nor where his boss was.
So, I took Nick’s car and decided to drive around Andalusia. I didn’t really know where to go, but I figured I would drive in close proximity. I ended up going a little out of the way, but making sure I paid attention to where exactly I was turning so as not to get lost.
I figured I’d put gas in his car, so I stopped at a gas station. The laws here are different about pumping gas. I was not used to paying before pumping, as that had not been in effect since I was a child. But, here, they seemed surprised when I went to pay that I hadn’t started pumping yet.
Afterwards, I drove to Wal-Mart, where, on my way, Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” came on the radio, and I busted out singing it, amazed that I could actually drive and sing at the same time. To be honest, I never thought I could, as I believed that my concentration was lacking when I would bust out into song – which is probably why I take long showers, because for some reason, I cannot soap up and sing at the same time.
At Wal-Mart, I bought a notebook, so that I could start "The Andalusia Experience”, as well as a card for Nick to show how much I appreciated him. While getting my notebook, I received a text from Nick.
“I miss u, baby. Watcha doin?”
I replied telling him where I was, as well as letting him know I put gas in his car. His response:
"Awww…Thank u, baby. I wish that fucker would hurry. I want u with me.”
On my way out of the store, I bought Nick a 20 oz. bottle of Mr. Pibb, since it was a favorite of his, and the soda machine at his hotel was out of them.
I sat in the car in the parking lot, filling out the card, and heard for the first time the Plain White T’s “Hey There, Delilah.” I immediately fell in love with this song, as it was about a long distance relationship, and many of those words were words that I, myself, felt about Nick.
When the song was done, I realized how much I was missing him, so I drove back to his job, texting him that I bought him a Mr. Pibb, and to meet me outside.
“Come in, baby” was his reply.
I did, again for a brief period of time, as we really had to watch out for his boss, who wouldn’t have taken so kindly to my being there.
After that, I decided to venture on to the Andalusia mall, which consisted of JC Penny, and a few other little stores. I never got to go into the actual mall, because as soon as I walked into Penny’s, after passing the Customer Service desk, I heard the announcement:
“Attention shopper’s: The time is now 8:00. JC Penny is now closed.”
So, I turned right around and headed back out.
I went to the Hardee’s drive-thru and ordered my dinner, where I sat in the parking lot, eating. Nick had called and told me to wait in the hotel room, but I told him that I wanted to be as close to him as possible, and even though our hotel was next door to his, I could not see his from my room.
I moved closer to his job in an empty parking lot, with the exception of a few cars. I watched about 12 or so workers from the Chinese restaurant pack into a mini-van, which made me think of a clown car. I wondered if they all lived in the same house, too, and then I wondered if any of them were sold as slaves, like in the movie, Crash. I also watched as Nick’s boss finally pulled into the hotel.
As I was listening to all of the overplayed music coming from the radio, I found it quite funny that what I was doing resembled that of a stalker. But, to clarify, I was not stalking Nick. I was waiting for his boss to leave.
His boss finally did leave, and to avoid him spotting Nick’s car, I turned on the engine to move it so that it wouldn’t be seen. I sped up in the parking lot, where I ran over a cinderblock, causing the car to jump. It was dark, and I didn’t see the cinderblock, but, still it was kinda cool…I was just hoping that I hadn’t ruined anything on his car.
I pulled up next to the pool, where I witnessed Nick telling a bunch of noisy obnoxious children that it was time to get out. I then made my way to park in the hotel parking lot.
Nick was tired, and I couldn’t blame him, as we didn’t really get much sleep, so he turned off the light and decided to lay down on the hardwood table with me. I wasn’t tired, so I decided to take this opportunity to sensually caress him, while trying to take off as much of his clothes as possible. In the process of all this “foreplay”, many interruptions, such as guests ringing the buzzer, caused him to jump off the table and hurriedly get dressed in order to help them with their needs. It was both frustrating and cute at the same time. Putting him in that position was cruel on my part, I know. I should have been a little more considerate, but I seriously could not resist the temptation.
When we finally “finished”, he turned on the light as I searched for my glasses. He found them at the end of the table where he had been laying. The lenses were popped out, and the arms bent. I went to pop the lenses back in, but noticed the screws were missing. Luckily the screws were easily spotted on the table. So, the next half hour was spent with him (so sweetly, mind you) repairing the glasses with his switchblade.
Finally, I popped in the lenses and bent them back into shape.
The phone rang, and it was his friend, Pam, and as he was talking to her, I took the opportunity to snap another picture.
When he got off the phone with Pam, he decided to attempt another nap, so it was back to the comfort of his arms on the hardwood table. This time, sleep was a success, but as my alarm went off at 4:30, it was ignored by the both of us.
At 5:30, Nick is supposed to open the doors so that guests at the hotel can enjoy the complimentary breakfast given by the hotel. It was 5:20, and with breakfast not being set up yet, Nick awoke and jumped off the table in a mad rush to get it all done in 10 minutes. By doing this, this set him behind in his paperwork.
I took my time getting up, and had breakfast before going to the nearby gas station one last time to get us cigarettes.
Today was going to be very hard for me. I only had a few hours left with Nick before catching my flight, and I really wanted my last remaining moments with him to go by slow. As I sat waiting for him in the parking lot, I tried to prepare myself for the dreaded goodbye, or at least, push that fact aside, because I was not ready.
Tears and Fears and Feeling Proud
Day 6 - Friday, June 9, 2007
Nick came out to the car, and after stopping by Hardee's for our seet tea, we made our way back to our hotel. This time, though, we wouldn't be sleeping. Instead, we used our last few hours to do some sexual "exploring". As for me going into detail about that, I certainly won't, for many reasons. All you need to know is that it was wonderful. I am fully satisfied with the thought that this is the last man I will ever have sex with.
Afterwards, i looked over at him, and said "I'm so glad this isn't an affair." My reasons behind that were because i have had them, and in doing so, i have had to say permanent goodbyes. This time, it wouldn't be permanent, and I truly had this man in my life for good, without having to run back home to some unwanted relationship.
We left the hotel at about 10:30, and I was beginning to dread the upcoming hour drive back up to Montgomery. At the same time, I wanted to cherish every last remianing moment with Nick.
He drove to his house to get my suitcase. I sat in the car, and despite what had hapened two nights before, I still felt bad not thanking daphne for letting me stay there. Nick came back to the car, after having changed, and put my suitcase in the backseat.
On the drive, i did not want to let Nick's hand go. I was quiet, simply because the sadness was beginning to set in. Nick acknowledged my silence, but I brushed it off, not wanting to let him know, at that moment, that I was not ready to say goodbye.
There was something that happened on the highway that brought a chuckle to my head. Nick's car was old and tired, and for fear of the car reheating, he was driving pretty slow. I looked to my right and saw a couple, who looked well into their eighties, drive past us. It felt like another movie moment.
We were getting closer to Montgomery, and we pulled off in a nearby town to get gas. I had been wearing my Echo shirt for the last two days, so I decided to change into something more comfortable - in public. Being that I am extremely self-concious about my body, I would have never done this before Nick.
"Sorry if i embarrassed you by doing that", I said getting back into the car.
"No, baby", he said, "You didn't embarrass me."
it was then that I began to feel comfortable about myself.
We made our way back on the road, and I felt the tears forming in my eyes. I didn't want him to see me cry, so I looked out the window. It didn't matter because he noticed it anyway.
"Don't cry, baby," he said to me.
We turned off the exit to get to the airport, and I noticed that tears were streaming down his cheeks. It was heartbreaking to see him cry, and it didn't stop my tears from falling.
Everything began to feel heavy on my emotions. I knew that the moment was going to come, just as I knew it was going to be hard, but I didn't expect it to be so hard so soon.
The tears stopped temporarily as we pulled into the parking lot. We both got out of the car and headed into the airport to check in, which took at least twenty-five minutes or so because the guy behind the counter had no clue what he was doing. The whole time, I held onto Nick's hand.
Since the guy was taking forever, deep down, I was hoping and praying that my flight was either cancelled, or that there was no record of my being listed, but I knew this was a fantasy that wouldn't come true.
My flight wouldn't leave for another few hours, but being that he hadn't had much sleep, and had to work later that evening, Nick could only stay with me for a little while.
We walked back out to the car, where I pulled out my digital camera, and took some final pictures:
Afterwards, i handed him my favorite - sweaty - Echo shirt, and began to choke on my words as I told him to take care of it. Again, i could not hold back my tears. I then gave him a cd I made for him, as well as the card. He, too was crying again, and held me, as I wanted to kiss his tears away.
"This is so hard", he said.
"I know", I said through my tears, "and I don't ever want us to go through thsi again. Next time I see you, I want to be here for good."
It was a heaviness on both our hearts, and truth to the cliche' of the hardest part is saying goodbye.
We stood there a little bit longer, each dripping with sweat on this hot humid day. He kissed my forehead, and I chuckled through my tears.
"I'm all sweaty", I said.
"I don't care." He replied.
We kissed, and kissed again, as I did not want to stop.
One cigarette and a goodbye, before he got in his car, and one final kiss goodbye through his open window. I turned around and walked away, wiping my tears, as they fell harder.
I stopped. I forgot to tell him something. I honestly don't remember what it was I had to tell him, but I needed to get one more kiss and I love you before watching him drive off for good. I missed him already.
I sat in the airport waiting for my flight to board. I didn't care that I was crying in public. My heart felt broken, and there was nothing at that moment that could fix it.
I got a text from my friend, kim, asking me what time my flight was coming in, since she was picking me up at the airport. I told her that i would be boarding the plane soon.
"Are you OK?" She texted.
"It hurts". I replied.
"I know."
This response made me cry even more. She understood what i was feeling at that moment, and I didn't have to explain myself. Those two words were enough.
Nick called me, and we spoke for a bit. Just when I thought I was done crying, the tears would start up again.
The only thing that helped me through the pain was knowing that I would be seeing him again.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Nick came out to the car, and after stopping by Hardee's for our seet tea, we made our way back to our hotel. This time, though, we wouldn't be sleeping. Instead, we used our last few hours to do some sexual "exploring". As for me going into detail about that, I certainly won't, for many reasons. All you need to know is that it was wonderful. I am fully satisfied with the thought that this is the last man I will ever have sex with.
Afterwards, i looked over at him, and said "I'm so glad this isn't an affair." My reasons behind that were because i have had them, and in doing so, i have had to say permanent goodbyes. This time, it wouldn't be permanent, and I truly had this man in my life for good, without having to run back home to some unwanted relationship.
We left the hotel at about 10:30, and I was beginning to dread the upcoming hour drive back up to Montgomery. At the same time, I wanted to cherish every last remianing moment with Nick.
He drove to his house to get my suitcase. I sat in the car, and despite what had hapened two nights before, I still felt bad not thanking daphne for letting me stay there. Nick came back to the car, after having changed, and put my suitcase in the backseat.
On the drive, i did not want to let Nick's hand go. I was quiet, simply because the sadness was beginning to set in. Nick acknowledged my silence, but I brushed it off, not wanting to let him know, at that moment, that I was not ready to say goodbye.
There was something that happened on the highway that brought a chuckle to my head. Nick's car was old and tired, and for fear of the car reheating, he was driving pretty slow. I looked to my right and saw a couple, who looked well into their eighties, drive past us. It felt like another movie moment.
We were getting closer to Montgomery, and we pulled off in a nearby town to get gas. I had been wearing my Echo shirt for the last two days, so I decided to change into something more comfortable - in public. Being that I am extremely self-concious about my body, I would have never done this before Nick.
"Sorry if i embarrassed you by doing that", I said getting back into the car.
"No, baby", he said, "You didn't embarrass me."
it was then that I began to feel comfortable about myself.
We made our way back on the road, and I felt the tears forming in my eyes. I didn't want him to see me cry, so I looked out the window. It didn't matter because he noticed it anyway.
"Don't cry, baby," he said to me.
We turned off the exit to get to the airport, and I noticed that tears were streaming down his cheeks. It was heartbreaking to see him cry, and it didn't stop my tears from falling.
Everything began to feel heavy on my emotions. I knew that the moment was going to come, just as I knew it was going to be hard, but I didn't expect it to be so hard so soon.
The tears stopped temporarily as we pulled into the parking lot. We both got out of the car and headed into the airport to check in, which took at least twenty-five minutes or so because the guy behind the counter had no clue what he was doing. The whole time, I held onto Nick's hand.
Since the guy was taking forever, deep down, I was hoping and praying that my flight was either cancelled, or that there was no record of my being listed, but I knew this was a fantasy that wouldn't come true.
My flight wouldn't leave for another few hours, but being that he hadn't had much sleep, and had to work later that evening, Nick could only stay with me for a little while.
We walked back out to the car, where I pulled out my digital camera, and took some final pictures:
Afterwards, i handed him my favorite - sweaty - Echo shirt, and began to choke on my words as I told him to take care of it. Again, i could not hold back my tears. I then gave him a cd I made for him, as well as the card. He, too was crying again, and held me, as I wanted to kiss his tears away.
"This is so hard", he said.
"I know", I said through my tears, "and I don't ever want us to go through thsi again. Next time I see you, I want to be here for good."
It was a heaviness on both our hearts, and truth to the cliche' of the hardest part is saying goodbye.
We stood there a little bit longer, each dripping with sweat on this hot humid day. He kissed my forehead, and I chuckled through my tears.
"I'm all sweaty", I said.
"I don't care." He replied.
We kissed, and kissed again, as I did not want to stop.
One cigarette and a goodbye, before he got in his car, and one final kiss goodbye through his open window. I turned around and walked away, wiping my tears, as they fell harder.
I stopped. I forgot to tell him something. I honestly don't remember what it was I had to tell him, but I needed to get one more kiss and I love you before watching him drive off for good. I missed him already.
I sat in the airport waiting for my flight to board. I didn't care that I was crying in public. My heart felt broken, and there was nothing at that moment that could fix it.
I got a text from my friend, kim, asking me what time my flight was coming in, since she was picking me up at the airport. I told her that i would be boarding the plane soon.
"Are you OK?" She texted.
"It hurts". I replied.
"I know."
This response made me cry even more. She understood what i was feeling at that moment, and I didn't have to explain myself. Those two words were enough.
Nick called me, and we spoke for a bit. Just when I thought I was done crying, the tears would start up again.
The only thing that helped me through the pain was knowing that I would be seeing him again.
TO BE CONTINUED...
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