Nick came out to the car, and after stopping by Hardee's for our seet tea, we made our way back to our hotel. This time, though, we wouldn't be sleeping. Instead, we used our last few hours to do some sexual "exploring". As for me going into detail about that, I certainly won't, for many reasons. All you need to know is that it was wonderful. I am fully satisfied with the thought that this is the last man I will ever have sex with.
Afterwards, i looked over at him, and said "I'm so glad this isn't an affair." My reasons behind that were because i have had them, and in doing so, i have had to say permanent goodbyes. This time, it wouldn't be permanent, and I truly had this man in my life for good, without having to run back home to some unwanted relationship.
We left the hotel at about 10:30, and I was beginning to dread the upcoming hour drive back up to Montgomery. At the same time, I wanted to cherish every last remianing moment with Nick.
He drove to his house to get my suitcase. I sat in the car, and despite what had hapened two nights before, I still felt bad not thanking daphne for letting me stay there. Nick came back to the car, after having changed, and put my suitcase in the backseat.
On the drive, i did not want to let Nick's hand go. I was quiet, simply because the sadness was beginning to set in. Nick acknowledged my silence, but I brushed it off, not wanting to let him know, at that moment, that I was not ready to say goodbye.
There was something that happened on the highway that brought a chuckle to my head. Nick's car was old and tired, and for fear of the car reheating, he was driving pretty slow. I looked to my right and saw a couple, who looked well into their eighties, drive past us. It felt like another movie moment.
We were getting closer to Montgomery, and we pulled off in a nearby town to get gas. I had been wearing my Echo shirt for the last two days, so I decided to change into something more comfortable - in public. Being that I am extremely self-concious about my body, I would have never done this before Nick.
"Sorry if i embarrassed you by doing that", I said getting back into the car.
"No, baby", he said, "You didn't embarrass me."
it was then that I began to feel comfortable about myself.
We made our way back on the road, and I felt the tears forming in my eyes. I didn't want him to see me cry, so I looked out the window. It didn't matter because he noticed it anyway.
"Don't cry, baby," he said to me.
We turned off the exit to get to the airport, and I noticed that tears were streaming down his cheeks. It was heartbreaking to see him cry, and it didn't stop my tears from falling.
Everything began to feel heavy on my emotions. I knew that the moment was going to come, just as I knew it was going to be hard, but I didn't expect it to be so hard so soon.
The tears stopped temporarily as we pulled into the parking lot. We both got out of the car and headed into the airport to check in, which took at least twenty-five minutes or so because the guy behind the counter had no clue what he was doing. The whole time, I held onto Nick's hand.
Since the guy was taking forever, deep down, I was hoping and praying that my flight was either cancelled, or that there was no record of my being listed, but I knew this was a fantasy that wouldn't come true.
My flight wouldn't leave for another few hours, but being that he hadn't had much sleep, and had to work later that evening, Nick could only stay with me for a little while.
We walked back out to the car, where I pulled out my digital camera, and took some final pictures:
Afterwards, i handed him my favorite - sweaty - Echo shirt, and began to choke on my words as I told him to take care of it. Again, i could not hold back my tears. I then gave him a cd I made for him, as well as the card. He, too was crying again, and held me, as I wanted to kiss his tears away.
"This is so hard", he said.
"I know", I said through my tears, "and I don't ever want us to go through thsi again. Next time I see you, I want to be here for good."
It was a heaviness on both our hearts, and truth to the cliche' of the hardest part is saying goodbye.
We stood there a little bit longer, each dripping with sweat on this hot humid day. He kissed my forehead, and I chuckled through my tears.
"I'm all sweaty", I said.
"I don't care." He replied.
We kissed, and kissed again, as I did not want to stop.
One cigarette and a goodbye, before he got in his car, and one final kiss goodbye through his open window. I turned around and walked away, wiping my tears, as they fell harder.
I stopped. I forgot to tell him something. I honestly don't remember what it was I had to tell him, but I needed to get one more kiss and I love you before watching him drive off for good. I missed him already.
I sat in the airport waiting for my flight to board. I didn't care that I was crying in public. My heart felt broken, and there was nothing at that moment that could fix it.
I got a text from my friend, kim, asking me what time my flight was coming in, since she was picking me up at the airport. I told her that i would be boarding the plane soon.
"Are you OK?" She texted.
"It hurts". I replied.
"I know."
This response made me cry even more. She understood what i was feeling at that moment, and I didn't have to explain myself. Those two words were enough.
Nick called me, and we spoke for a bit. Just when I thought I was done crying, the tears would start up again.
The only thing that helped me through the pain was knowing that I would be seeing him again.
TO BE CONTINUED...
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